


Behind each layer

by hazelandglasz



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Feels, Derek Has Issues, Emotional Baggage, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, M/M, Regret, Song Lyrics, Stiles Takes Care Of Derek, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 21:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1565225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Duke Special's song "No cover up", which strikes me as a very "Derek" song<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4niahxO4t4E</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind each layer

For years, long after the fire and long after even his return to Beacon Hills, Derek kept his walls up as high as he could.

_Take a Picture if it helps you sleep_

_Then expose me as your royal Creep_

No one can hurt you if they don’t really know you, can they?

But recently, he feels like maybe, just maybe, he could let go of them. For his pack, for his Alpha.

For him.

For the young man who has managed to become a friend without becoming a pack brother, who is slowly but surely becoming a pivotal presence in Derek’s life.

_For now I’ve torn it we’re not the same_

_There’s a sun that’s breaking through my window Pane_

Like a ray of sunshine breaking through many, many stormy clouds, Stiles’ energy bursts through the many memories and regrets clouding Derek’s judgment.

_It’s burning up my face, yes it’s doing it again_

Derek knows how he feels when he’s attracted to someone; Hell, a good portion of his decision to turn his Betas had been dictated by the fact that he found them attractive. But this is different.

_No cover up_

_No room for hiding_

The most infuriating thing about Stiles is what draws Derek to him. His ability to see and call bullshit, to hear the lies even without Derek’s enhanced abilities and to stomp on his fears to set it right.

_No Cover up_

_My Faith is Sliding_

Oh, Derek can tell : he smells it all around the young man whenever he has to face someone, be it a true opponent, his father, Scott or even himself. Stiles is not unafraid, but that’s what makes him the bravest of the lot : he’s afraid, but he doesn’t let his fears stop him from doing what has to be done.

Not like Derek.

_No cover up_

_Just sharp reminding of the fake i was_

The more he looks at the dynamic between Scott and Stiles, that friendship that nothing could break because it goes beyond loyalty, it’s a visceral attachment, and the more Derek longs for what he lost.

_There are faces that we should not know_

_There are places we’re not meant to go_

Sometimes, he wonders what would have happened to him, to his family, if Stiles had been seven years older, and befriended him in High school. If Stiles had been in his life before Kate Argent managed to feed on his loneliness and weaknesses to seduce him with fake promises and easy, physical relief.

If Stiles had been then what he is now.

_If you try to find me you will never win_

_For behind each layer lies another skins_

Even now, Derek doesn’t know if Stiles knows for sure what he signed up for, letting Derek into his life.

Most of the time, Derek doesn’t know who he really is, no matter how hard he tries - how would Stiles know who Derek is, behind all of his layers of regrets and remorse and false bravado ?

_I’d love to let you in, if you find a way in_

But that’s the thing, with Stiles; even if he doesn’t for sure what it entails, he doesn’t back up from the possibility, the potential of an adventure.

And God knows that breaking through Derek’s defenses would be a wild ride.

_No Cover up_

_Just so much trouble_

 For his own sake, Derek tries to push Stiles away. But the harder he pushes, the meaner he gets in his rebuttal of the young man’s attempts at friendship, the more he denies any possibility of that friendship turning into something else - something _more_ \- the harder Stiles tries.

_No cover up_

_I’m Bent in double_

And Derek …

There is only so much Derek can refuse himself.

The appeal of bringing his lack of luck to a stop?

The possibility of finding a partner, a real partner, someone to share the load of crap Life throws at him from every corner?

The possibility of not being so alone, so lonely even when he’s in the crowd of his pack?

It’s too good to push away any more.

_No cover up_

_Just wreck and rubble of the person i was_

Stiles knows what he’s getting into, or so it seems. He knows that the older man is a shadow of what he could be, hidden behind veils of fears and failures.

_I am Broken and I stand accused_

_Is there someone who can let me loose_

He also knows that Derek has a certain tendency to blame himself for everybody’s shortcomings. If Scott makes a mistake, it’s his fault, for not guiding him as well as he could have; if Isaac gets injured, it’s because Derek didn’t pay attention.

And if Stiles gets involved in the messy business that it the life in Beacon Hills, and pays the price that comes with dealing with the supernatural, it’s Derek’s responsibility because …

Because he knows better - or he should, shouldn’t he?

_If you find the answer make careful not_

_I could use your pardon and a lot of hope_

But Stiles isn’t particularly fond of adding to the weight on Derek’s shoulders, Derek knows it. He can see it in the tensing of his jaw, in the crease between his eyes - those eyes that mesmerize Derek, they’re so close to a Beta’s hue, so peculiar on a human’s face - and he can definitely hear it in Stiles’ soothing noises when Derek finally lets go.

When Derek lets the sobs wreck his voice for days to come, when he cries without tears and falls to his knees, and Stiles kneels beside him, a strong hand rubbing circles on Derek’s back.

_I’m Getting to that part at the end of the rope_

Repeating nonsensical words of comfort, Stiles slowly brings his hand on the back of Derek’s neck, his fingers playing with the short hair there, the tip of his long fingers reaching for the back of Derek’s ear.

When Derek emerges from his sort of panic attack, he can make sense of what Stiles is actually saying.

"It’s okay, we’re okay, I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re safe, it’s okay …," all on repeat in a mantra that actually works, soothing Derek’s frayed nerves and making him see what he could get if he lets go of his own blocks.

_No cover up_

_I feel the burning_

As soon as he lets his brain form that particular concept, Derek needs more. More of Stiles’ touch, more of his ever expanding love for all things, more of his humor, as misguided and lame as it might be, more of his knowledge, more of his _spark_ , more …

_No cover up_

_Nor time for turning_

More of him.

More of the touch on Derek’s skin.

More of the touch of his lips, brushing against Derek’s temple as he keeps talking, and Derek turns his head to get what he wants.

_No cover up_

_I hope I’m learning some honesty_

What he has wanted for quite a while, if he’s being honest, but now he’s ready to let himself get it.

To let himself be happy, for as long as Stiles will have him.

_Some honesty_


End file.
